I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
