she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I am midnight drunk by noon
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize