why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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