I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
home. puking in laundry basket.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
