Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
