I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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