I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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