Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
