Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
