I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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