Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
