True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
