apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
