Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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