her vagine was all disorganized.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize