White coat. Heels.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
