The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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