after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
