He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Never joke about your clitoris.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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