how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize