capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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