I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
