my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
