And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
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It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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