i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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