I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
