Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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