if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Randomize
