there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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