he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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