I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
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The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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