At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
