So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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