forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
