I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
