I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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