Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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