Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Vodka?
Forever.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
