Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
