Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
