Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
