You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
