i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
