Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
