Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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