No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
