NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
