Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
