saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Randomize
