You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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