Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
