Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Randomize
