I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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