Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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