a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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