So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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