I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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