I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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