Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
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The uberlube is also flammable
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
jump out the window naked night went bad
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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