Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
