I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
