Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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