i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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