Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he told me I talked like a deaf person
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He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
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I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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