why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
