i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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