Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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