You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
