My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
