That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
