they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
