Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
